Friday, August 31, 2012

Retirement? Really?

When I was a little girl, I dreamed of being a pediatrician.  I loved school!  I remember how excited I was on the first day of kindergarten.  Mom packed my lunch with my favorite things including slices of raw turnip.  I was quite proud of myself as I strutted merrily along Duke Street on my way to kindergarten.  It was in a red brick building across the street from St. Paul's Cathedral.  Mom took me inside and walked me to the classroom where we met my kindergarten teacher.  I looked around the room and spotted Helen Anne.  I said a quick goodbye to Mom and rushed over to sit beside my friend who was waving excitedly.  She showed me where to put my lunch box.  I was happy.  We sat there chatting about big girl stuff and whispering about the little boy who refused to let go of his mother.  I couldn't quite grasp why he was crying so hard.  Who doesn't love their first day of kindergarten?

Venturing off into a new world can be scary.  One can be excited about all the possibilities or afraid of the unknown.  I hate to say it, but I feel like that little boy clinging to his mother and crying, "Please don't make me go."  I don't want to go; that is, I don't want to go home.  I want to put my big girl pants on and go back to work, but that isn't going to happen anytime soon.  It's time to put all those dreams back on the shelf.  I've finally come to a new point in the road and I dragged myself kicking and screaming the whole way.  After all, I firmly believed in my right to work just like everyone else.  However, I had great difficulty seeking accommodation with my employer.  They did everything they could to push me out the door and they succeeded.  There is so much more to this story and I intend to tell it, but for today I just need to let this sink in.  I'm finally officially retiring. Where do I go from here?  I've lived a life of purpose carefully planning every step of the way.  I never planned on getting sick.  Who does?  Lesson learned.  Nobody is invincible.


  1. In my opinion,Sue all lifestyle illnesses and most autoimmune diseases can be reversed. I have had multiple lifestyle illnesses and two autoimmune diseases and seen them retreat. What we believe, at a deep level to be true usually comes true. If we are willing to examine and change our beliefs we can change our world for the better. If you believe that with the right circumstances your body has the ability to heal itself that is just what will happen. The power is in you to make it happen. I wish you success and joy.

  2. Kathryn,

    May I ask what "lifestyle illnesses" and autoimmune diseases you are referring to?

    I, myself, learned how to create a solution for Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) which I was diagnosed with years ago. I never bought the diagnosis and refused to "just take the medication and live with it". The solution? No gluten or dairy. Easy peasy.

    Fibromyalgia? That's another story. Believe me. I do know I have power over my own body. Has anything helped so far? No. Have I given up? No.

    I believe that we have control over so many things and circumstances. I'm still trying to figure out if Fibromyalgia is one of those things. Is it like having a broken arm or is it akin to losing an arm? Can I fix this or do I have to learn to live with it?

    In any case, I know that I only have control over what happens in this moment. What happens in this moment depends upon what I do. A belief is simply a motivating factor. I cannot will myself to be well any faster than you can will yourself to be taller or shorter, perhaps.

    I do understand your intention and I respect that. I simply have a slightly different view of wellness and of what I believe I have control over.

    Thank you for sharing.